Bare with me on my journey today. I know I’ve been pretty quiet recently, but I have come to find a true message in the last few months I want to share with y’all! With all the uncertainty going on both out in the world and in our home it’s easy to push the hard things under the rug and go on with life, but I think it’s so important to share the vulnerable and raw parts of life in additional to the fun memorable parts.
This is where we connect ~ by showing the real side of life and being there for others during the hard times.
For all y’all that don’t know my hubby and I are expecting our 2nd kiddo within the next month. We are super excited for this next step in our family, but this pregnancy has been the exact opposite of what I experienced the first go round. One of the biggest factors is I’ve been battling pregnancy induced depression throughout most of it. From the beginning I had the typical exhaustion and morning sickness but as the first trimester ended nothing really eased up. It was around the 4th month that I realized it was more than just basic pregnancy stuff. Not only was I still completely exhausted but I had no motivation, was constantly sad and overwhelmed by the bare minimum of what my day consisted of. I continually felt like a failure. A failure at home, as a mom, at work, and for you guys. Compound my internal battle with my CPA hubby starting his busy season and working 70 hours a week, I found myself at home alone most days of the week with only my toddler for company, and as much as I love my little guy I just found myself floundering for my next steps.
As my 7th month started I found myself feeling more and more “normal”. I had energy again, was finding joy in the normal things, and was truly finding myself in my day to day life. I had hope! Hope that things were getting back to normal and that I was finding myself again, but then a pandemic took our country by storm. My part-time job was put on hold indefinitely until the COVID-19 becomes something manageable, my husband and I were struggling to figure out how we were going to be able to make ends meet (luckily he is considered an essential employee) and welcome our new child into this world. Fortunately the financial anxiety was short lived as the government unemployment kicked in exactly when we needed it, but again I found myself alone with a toddler and a husband working 70 hour weeks with less than 2 months until this child is born when hospital policy changes started occurring. One of my biggest fears coming out of the pandemic is giving birth alone, and honestly it’s still a possibility. With all the uncertainty and lets be honest aches and pains 36+ weeks pregnant brings it’s easy to find myself slipping back into that floundering state of mind, but today I choose faith. Today I choose hope! Today I choose to try to control a few small things that bring me joy!
My message to all the mommas out there is that it’s OKAY to feel all of these things! We are never just one thing to anybody and it’s easy to feel pulled in too many directions, but we can’t let our negative days define us. Just because I’m a tired mom or a sad mom or a scared mom or an overwhelmed mom; it doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom! We are the moms our kids need us to be. They see the fun and good times even on our worst days and nothing means more than those little arms wrapped around your neck at the end of the day saying “I love you ‘most of the time’ Mommy!” or “You’re my best friend ever!”